What is “lesbian bed death”?
In 1983, social psychologist Philip Blumstein and sociologist Pepper Schwartz, published research revealing that lesbian couples in long term relationships reported lower numbers than heterosexual and gay couples when asked how many times a year they had sex. The phenomenon gained enough recognition that it became widely known as “lesbian bed death”. It’s since been criticized by other experts, since the rate of sexual activity tends to decline in all long-term relationships, regardless of sexual orientation. But there’s certainly some degree of credibility to the concept.
Other studies have shown that loss of libido happens more quickly in women who are invested in relationships than it does in men. It’s also true that, on average, lesbian sex takes substantially longer than heterosexual sex which could contribute to a diminished motivation to engage in the act after a certain amount of time has passed. All things considered, I suppose it just depends on the couple. If you’re experiencing lesbian bed death, read on!
First of all, don’t worry if your sex life isn’t what it used to be. You’re older, as is your relationship. Few of us have the ability (or the energy) to maintain the raw passion of the “honeymoon” phase. That said, a complete lack of sexual activity between partners isn’t ideal. Nobody wants sex to feel like a chore, and the “I’m tired” excuse can only be used so many times. So how do you overcome it?
If you’re experiencing lesbian bed death, try abstaining from any sexual activity for an entire month, including masturbation (this approach has been recommended by many professionals). Work to fix any emotional issues you’re experiencing as a couple, make an effort to go on more dates, and combat stress and tension by exercising together on a regular basis. After 30 days, casually put sex back on the table. Continue to connect with your partner on a non-sexual level, and make a point to create a “no pressure” attitude in the bedroom. If you’re still experiencing problems, consider talking to a couple’s therapist. There’s no shame in asking for help!